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Friday, 12 February 2010

  • Currently
    Matilda (Special Edition)
    By Kiami Davael, Embeth Davidtz, Pam Ferris, Gregory R. Goliath, Leor Livneh Hackel
    see related

    Good and bad...

    I'm in a lot of pain today. I was in a lot of pain yesterday as well. While I was working out at home I really, really hurt my calves. They're all bunched up and swollen and I can hardly carry my weight. Of course, I have work today, which means I'm going to be on my feet for eight hours. I talked to them and they were nice enough to cut my day by three hours and they're going to give me something to sit on. So that's the bad. That and I have to work late full shifts all weekend....
    Okay, the good: I checked my weight when I woke up anddddddd....127! Yes! I've been eating less because I haven't been able to go to the gym because of my stupid useless legs. I haven't been posting my intake because I've been kinda depressed. I've been eating less than 560 calories a day and I think I'll keep doing that, at least until my legs feel better. I also finished two books yesterday. One was this really cool book about Tristan and Isolde and another was a teen novel trying to be Twilight which my friend lent me. It was horrible, haha, I read it in one day. Sorry if that makes me a snob, but it was just horrible, lol.

    Hope everyone's having a good day.

    Intake:
    Breakfast: yogurt- 80 calories
    Lunch: Special K Bar + apple- 120 calories

    More later.


Wednesday, 10 February 2010

  • Currently
    Lost in Austen
    By Jemima Rooper, Elliot Cowan, Hugh Bonneville, Florence Hoath, Alex Kingston
    see related

    Nothing like hot English Breakfast tea on a cold winter's day...

    Intake:
    Breakfast: Special K bar + small apple- 120 calories
    Lunch: yogurt + Special K bar- 170 calories
    Dinner: 1/2 quesadillla + soup- 230 calories

    Total: 520 calories


    Output:
    running in place: - 150 calories
    dancing: -100 calories

    Total: -250 calories

    I'm trying to fill up on liquids today and hopefully I can end the day with something below 600 calories. I've been having about 600 calories a day a lot and I'm starting to feel like that's too much. Need to fill up more on fluids. I also need to remember to take my Green T/hoodia pills more. They take the peckish hunger right out of me. Unfortunately, the gym is closed today because of the blizzard (duh, how did I not predict that one >.<) and I'm sort of agonizing over it. I'll do some at home workouts today. I want to be down to 127!!!

    Hope you all are doing well today, and that those of you with snow stay safe, warm, and cozy. More later.

    Later: Well, I kept my promise to myself. Less than 600 calories. I still feel like I ate a lot and very guilty that I'm not able to work out today. I did get some cleaning done, so that's nice. I think I'll just spend the rest of the night doing what workouts I can at home. I don't think I'll have school tomorrow so I'll probably be able to get a nice, long workout at the gym then.






    ^ I really wanted her to win America's Next Top Model!




  • So...

    I would like to apologize for my neurotic post earlier today. I was just finished being hysterical and getting into a really nasty fight with my boyfriend at school. It was horrible. I had to skip one of my classes because I couldn't breathe normally. Anyway. I'm sorta feeling better. I tried to go to see my school counselor but she was unavailable, as per usual. So I called my mom and told her how I feel. She knows I have eating issues but she never actively tries to do anything about it except support me and reassure me. Which, now that I reflect on it, is probably the best way to deal with it. I have a huge family history of mental crapness. My mom is bi-polar and has been hospitalized three times for mental problems/breakdowns. You see, two of those were for back when they'd only give you lithium if you were bi-polar and I don't blame her for not taking that. That crap makes your brain leak out your ears. Anyway. She's been helping me with trying to make phonec alls and trying to find out patient places that accept Charity Care. Yeah. I'll work on it. Thank you so much, ladies, for all your support and sweet assurances. I think, aside from my mom, they were the most comforting parts of my day, and again, I apologize for blowing up. PLEASE know that anytime any of you, even if we haven't spoken much need any kind of support, I will be here for you. Promise. Because that's what you girls are to me. Sorry if that's really sentimental.

    Anyway.

    Intake:
    Breakfast: Starbucks Iced Tall SF vanilla soy latte- 75 calories
    Lunch: yogurt- 120 calories
    Dinner: (ew, a lot) 2 avocado rolls + side salad + tofu- 460 calories
    Total: 655 calories

    And, of course, I was so tired and bummed from today that I ended up napping after school and didn't work out. Ugh. Thankfully, I'll be able to go to the gym tomorrow. And tonight I'll do situps and leglifts and all that good stuff. Hope everyone had a good day.

Tuesday, 09 February 2010

  • Kurt Cobain said I hate myself and I want to die. That's how I feel right now. That's how I've felt a lot lately. I don't know what to do. I get so upset and worked up with feeling pessimistic and hopeless. I'm so used to everything going completely wrong regardless of the efforts I make. Work is a dark, cold warehouse where no one talks to me, really, and there is nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs for eight hours a day and disappear into the recesses of my mind. That's always a bad thing. It is never good to be alone with myself for very long.
    I'm losing weight but I still look like a fat tub of shit. I'm ruining things with Alex. I go up and down like a yo-yo and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't have money or insurance for counseling or prescriptions. I can't think anxiety, depression and anorexia away. Yet what else am I supposed to do? I'm a poor kid-- I'm a second-rate person. If this was the Titanic, I'd be drowning with the rats. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't function. Nothing will ever get better. I'm a raving lunatic and I'm a bitch. I want to do nothing but sleep yet I agonize because of all the things I have to do. Everything's a chore. Even eating. Which I guess is sort of good, at least in that one aspect. But if you ask a therapist, or doctor, that's not healthy. I think Alex is going to break up with me because I am so mean and demanding of him. I want his help but I scream at him and push him away and debunk everything he has to say or offer. I get angry for no reason. I'll cry for no reason. I have not written a single word of any of my novels in over a year. What kind of writer am I?
    I'm worthless. I have no place in this world. I know if I ended it it would upset a lot of my friends and family. But sometimes I think they'd be better off in the long run, once they got over grieving me. I wish I had the courage to do it. I hate myself.

Monday, 08 February 2010

  • Intake:
    Breakfast: 2 egg whites + 1 slice toast with jam- 145 calories
    Lunch: chips- 100 calories
    Dinner: general tso's tofu- 400 calories
    Total: 645 calories

    Output:
    treadmill: -500 calories
    Sweet.

    Write more later. Headache. Hope everyone's doing well and thanks for the comments, I'll respond to them all later this evening. <3

    Later.
    I had a such a bad migraine that I actually threw up. I hate when that happens. But I guess it's a good reason to purge without it actually being my fault, haha. Workout later once I feel a little more physically balanced. Migraines are the worst.

    I'm totally watching Matilda right now. Remember that movie? I wanna be Miss Honey when I grow up, heehee. ^.^ I'll probably end up teaching high school and middle school while I'm working on my PhD, so maybe I really  can be like her. xD

    Also...I just weighed myself today and I looked like, three times. The scale said I weigh 128 pounds. Which means I lost a pound. I can hardly believe it. It's almost too good to be true because I haven't been eating well. I snacked a whooooole lot yesterday. And I had just eaten (sort of) when I weighed myself. Weird. But. Awesome.

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PrudenceNightingale

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    • Name: Prudence
    • Birthday: 1/13/1990
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 4/9/2008

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About Me

  • H: 5'2" // HW: 157 // LW: 110 // SW: 150 // GW1: 145* // GW2: 140* // GW3: 135* // GW4: 130* // GW5: 125 // UGW6: 117-120 // Goal Size: 4 // CW: 128 // CSize: 6/7

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