Intake:
Breakfast: Special K bar + small apple- 120 calories
Lunch: yogurt + Special K bar- 170 calories
Dinner: 1/2 quesadillla + soup- 230 calories

Total: 520 calories


Output:
running in place: - 150 calories
dancing: -100 calories

Total: -250 calories

I'm trying to fill up on liquids today and hopefully I can end the day with something below 600 calories. I've been having about 600 calories a day a lot and I'm starting to feel like that's too much. Need to fill up more on fluids. I also need to remember to take my Green T/hoodia pills more. They take the peckish hunger right out of me. Unfortunately, the gym is closed today because of the blizzard (duh, how did I not predict that one >.<) and I'm sort of agonizing over it. I'll do some at home workouts today. I want to be down to 127!!!

Hope you all are doing well today, and that those of you with snow stay safe, warm, and cozy. More later.

Later: Well, I kept my promise to myself. Less than 600 calories. I still feel like I ate a lot and very guilty that I'm not able to work out today. I did get some cleaning done, so that's nice. I think I'll just spend the rest of the night doing what workouts I can at home. I don't think I'll have school tomorrow so I'll probably be able to get a nice, long workout at the gym then.






^ I really wanted her to win America's Next Top Model!

Kurt Cobain said I hate myself and I want to die. That's how I feel right now. That's how I've felt a lot lately. I don't know what to do. I get so upset and worked up with feeling pessimistic and hopeless. I'm so used to everything going completely wrong regardless of the efforts I make. Work is a dark, cold warehouse where no one talks to me, really, and there is nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs for eight hours a day and disappear into the recesses of my mind. That's always a bad thing. It is never good to be alone with myself for very long.
I'm losing weight but I still look like a fat tub of shit. I'm ruining things with Alex. I go up and down like a yo-yo and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't have money or insurance for counseling or prescriptions. I can't think anxiety, depression and anorexia away. Yet what else am I supposed to do? I'm a poor kid-- I'm a second-rate person. If this was the Titanic, I'd be drowning with the rats. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't function. Nothing will ever get better. I'm a raving lunatic and I'm a bitch. I want to do nothing but sleep yet I agonize because of all the things I have to do. Everything's a chore. Even eating. Which I guess is sort of good, at least in that one aspect. But if you ask a therapist, or doctor, that's not healthy. I think Alex is going to break up with me because I am so mean and demanding of him. I want his help but I scream at him and push him away and debunk everything he has to say or offer. I get angry for no reason. I'll cry for no reason. I have not written a single word of any of my novels in over a year. What kind of writer am I?
I'm worthless. I have no place in this world. I know if I ended it it would upset a lot of my friends and family. But sometimes I think they'd be better off in the long run, once they got over grieving me. I wish I had the courage to do it. I hate myself.